Me, Masonry and Mindfulness

Driving is such an interesting activity to try to accomplish while remaining “yogic.” On a recent drive home from teaching a class, I came upon something in my lane. At a distance, I thought it might be a paper bag. Getting closer, I thought it might be an old soccer ball. Figuring it was soft, I opted to straddle the “ball.”

Bad choice. When the noise stopped, my radiator was decimated, my main beam bent and the whole underside of my new Honda Civic Hybrid (with license plates “Y Path” for “Yoga Path” – my business) was smashed to smithereens.

The soccer ball was not a soccer ball. It was a round piece of masonry, which had probably fallen off a landscaper’s truck.

So who’s the joker that put a rock in the middle of the road? Was this the infinite’s idea of a cosmic joke? (“Oh you think you’re mindful? I’ll show you mindful…”) If it was, I guess I flunked the mindfulness test. I hadn’t acted quickly enough to avoid the collision. While being truly grateful for being unhurt, in the tearing and smashing of metal along the bottom of my car I felt the rock was trying – very loudly – to tell me something.

So what was the message? After an encounter here and there, I came to yoga in midlife with a passion. My past experiences as a musician, a newspaper reporter and a social worker had all left me feeling like I was in a kind of virtual reality, like a character in The Matrix. In quiet and unexpected moments, I would wonder where my reality was - because it didn’t seem to be where I was. Through the practice of yoga, this uneasiness began to leave me. I began to feel like I was coming into contact on a regular basis with my true self - my eternal self. My ego, on the other hand (the part that feels like The Matrix) – had become identified as that insatiable desire to press forward and to forego reflection of any kind. Upon seeing the rock, it was my ego that said “FORGE AHEAD –IT CAN’T BE ANYTHING DANGEROUS – YOU HAVE PLACES TO GO.” Since the decision had to be made quickly, I missed the quieter voice saying “PROCEED WITH CAUTION” (and removing my foot from the gas pedal couldn’t have hurt either!).

Maybe the rock was a wakeup call, drawing me to a more one-pointed focus for mindfulness. It felt like a notice to be alert, to be more mindful, in the car and elsewhere. On a daily basis during meditation, I repeat the statement from Erich Schiffmann, “Today, I will make no decisions by myself. I will make no decisions by myself because it is no longer intelligent to do so. Instead, I will make all decisions in silent counsel with the infinite.” Maybe making decisions with the infinite means learning not to turn away from the quite still voice – even when you only have a few seconds to decide.

So, in the end, despite the inconvenience, I guess I’m grateful for the rock. Later in the week I had two experiences where I would have acted quickly without thinking in response to someone else. Instead (and I had the time,) I reflected first and made a very different decision. A mindful decision. So, I say thanks to the rock and for its lesson in being mindful to the still and quiet voice of my inner self.

                                                                                                -Anne Ondrey